I found this lovely little project, “If We Were Having Coffee” through Part Time Monster. It’s all about writing a piece of what I would tell you if you were sitting in front of me and we were sharing some coffee. I instantly fangirled this idea because one of my favorite pastimes outside of reading is having conversations over coffee. I hope this brings a personal aspect to my blog that isn’t seen through my bookish postings.
So if we were having coffee I would start by telling you how incredibly nervous I am for orientation at my new college this Friday. I finally transferred and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I will be able to take the courses I want and major in the fields my heart gets all jittery about – English and Anthropology. That may sound silly, but I’m a passionate person. Once I discover something that intrigues me, my curiosity and heart seem to collide and I get this insatiable urge to just learn.
Then again, who am I kidding? That happens with more than just academic work. That insatiable urge to discover, probe, and understand leaks into every outlet of my life – friends, family, romantic relationships. Basically I can be this very intense human being; yet somehow I ended up with great friends who accept all that intensity and quirky-ness. But I’d tell you how nervous I am about the new people at this school seeing that side of me. Although I’m very extroverted and I’ve never had problems when thrown into a group of strangers, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that is similar to butterflies but also along the lines of queasiness.
Ignoring that for a second though, I’d tell you how this is a fresh start. The funny thing about fresh starts is that everyone sees it as a re-do. It’s like a refresh button on life. Sounds great, right? GPA starts at 0.00, new people to meet, new classes to take, a place where no one knows you yet. I can be anything or anyone. Except, fresh starts are a lot of pressure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy dancing in my head that I get a refresh button on my college career. Freshman year didn’t shine the best light on me. At the same time though the pressure of doing better, being better, and trying not to make those silly mistake I did my first time around can weigh on a person. It’s like showing up and having the mentality like, “Hey world, here I am! The newer, more improved, 2.0 version of me!” It’s not a bad thing to want that. Technically it’s the same mentality people ring in the new year with when they make their new year’s resolutions. The only problem with that mentality is the disappoint you can possibly face.
So I’d tell you, I don’t want to end up disappointed in myself. I want to improve myself, but I don’t want to expect too much. Balance is what I’m seeking. I want to be able to work, make the grades I want, and maintain a social life. I want to allow myself to have a romantic relationship since I run much too often. I want to allow myself to take a breather every now and again; perhaps even get a proper amount of sleep some nights. I want to make as many people as I can smile. I want to read more than fifty books this year. I want to attempt to make daily blog posts. I want to be healthier. Though, if only a few of these things occur, I want to not only know it’s okay, but I want to still smile because it’s all about the small victories.
2014 taught me how to love myself, I’d tell you.
Then I’d say, I hope 2015 builds on that.